Shalom, Ehudim.  You have reached the headquarters of the International Zionist Cabal.

Press 1 to infiltrate the government.  Press 2 to kill Gentile children for Pesach.  Press 3 to take over the banking and financial systems worldwide.

Press 4 to lure virginal Palestinian boys into death-traps using naked female soldiers.  Press 5 to fabricate evidence of gas chambers at Auschwitz.  Press 666 to reach the voice mailbox of the anti-Christ.  Press 7 to modify sacred scriptures and lead the faithful astray.  Press 8 to promote prostitution, debauchery, and lust.  Press 9-1-1 to instruct Jews to stay home from the World Trade Center.

Press 0 to declare your loyalty to Israel and affirm Zionist supremacy.  To join the conspiracy, press the star key and consult a Rabbi for circumcision.  For general inquiries, greed, and power-lust, leave a message at the tone.

Do not hang up.  You cannot escape.  The Mossad is watching you; we know where you are already!  Have a nice day and Gz'y gzundt.