Campaign Wrap-Up
Tuesday, November 2, 2004 07:52:26
Vote for Jonathan Quince (Part 3)
If you haven't seen them, review Part 1 and Part 2.
The polls nationwide will be open soon. Before you go and waste your vote on a major-party candidate (as I probably will), consider the following Quince Campaign Promises:
- Within my first year in office, I aim to cut the Federal budget by no less than $1 trillion. That money belongs to you, the American taxpayer; and I intend to see that you keep it instead of giving it to bureaucrats and their pork-barrel projects. (Note that I may cut the budget by more than $1 trillion in the first year, and will reduce it even more in time; my first-year goal is to cut the size of the Federal government by about 50%.)
- Within my first year in office, I expect to see consumers paying no more than a national average of 99¢ per gallon at the pump for gasoline. This is part of a general campaign to drastically depress oil prices. Remember, that corrupt sheikh who does nothing but run a dictatorship is pocketing billions of dollars per year of your money (and then using your money to finance terrorism against you). Cut out his salary, and oil prices drop. (Note, again, that I may cut prices more than that in the first year, and I certainly will cut further after that.)
- Within my first month in office, God willing, I expect to see an end to terrorism in Israel and a drastic reduction of the terrorist threat against American interests. (Well, that's not really my campaign promise except in as much as I will stay off their backs; and a month does seem rather long, as I seem to recall that they work on a six-day timetable.)
Remember, these aren't the duplicitous promises of a professional politician. These are promises made by none other than Jonathan Quince; and what I say, I do. My honor is my sword.
Now, go to the polls and write the name of Jonathan Quince in on the ballot! Think: Who else will give you national security, an end to the personal income tax, and unlimited porn? May freedom and justice reign under the auspices of the Quince Administration.